Entry 071

If I would have to die tonight

If I would have to die tonight—

I am resigned to my peace

And could sleep without grief;

For at last I could leave

This wretched state,

This incorrigible world

That taught me to hate.

It is not as if I never learned

To love and be loved;

Only the gall was strong to bear

I had not mustered to defy.

I always lost my battles

And left those I cared for

(Or I thought I cared for):

For they made me taste

The bitter truth of rejection.

And so I vowed to survive,

To subsist on my own

Enwrapped in my innate warmth

Against the coldest loneliness.

I needed not someone’s touch

Nor words to abate the pains.

My barriers were strong,

Impregnable and unshakable.

I was complete on my own;

Others could not define me.


This person I had been,

The mask I often wore—

I shall leave to this world

If I would have to die tonight.




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