Entry 113

Intrapersonál

—Parito ka, aking Sarili.
Ano ang kinahinatnan
ng iyong paglalakbay
sa daigdig ng iba?
Nakatagpo ka ba
ng tatanggap sa iyo?
Nakapangusap ka ba
ng iibig sa iyo?
Kung wala’y magbalik
ka sa aking lamán
na matagal nang nananabik
sa mga bulong
ng iyong pagdaíng
dahil sa pigíl na sakít.
Walang iibig sa iyo
kundi akong naghihintay.
Hinayaan kitang maligaw
upang muli sa akin
ay magbalik,
dala ang iyong
natuyong luha
at napiping sigaw
at naupós na ningas.

—Ngunit káya ko pa
ang magpagala-gala
upang hanapin
ang di ko natitiyak.
Saká ako babalik
upang bigyan kang muli
ng búhay.

 

2017.03.28

Entry 112

It Didn’t Happen

I would rather listen to the fading echoes
That seemed to take shape as I wanted them to be
Than the murmuring aside of my psyche

I would pretend I could not care less
Just to save my esteem falling from the peak
But the devastation had already scourged me

I would seek the horizon however endless
Wishing to reach it somehow at twilight
Where everything appeared real yet tragic

I would simply pretend it didn’t happen
So the feigned truth remained as it was
That I stood here because you needed me

2017.03.28

Entry 107

Hiling sa Kalikasan

Ulan, huwag kang tumilà
Lunurin ng iyong mga patak
Ikubli ang bawat pighati
Anurin ang pakiramdam

Hangin, guluhin ang isipan
Tangayin ang mga alaala
Kapwa masakit at maligaya
Ipadpad sa dakong limót

Araw, punitin ang karimlan
Bitbit ang bagong simula
Kasabay ng mga silahis
Upang maparam ang lamig

Alon, hampasin ang pampang
Ibulong ang mga kwento
Mula sa ibang mga lupain
Maging uyayi sa paghimbing

Lupa, ihimpil mga bundok
Pasibulan ang kaparangan
Maging mulàan ng búhay
At kahinatnang himlayan

Entry 099

Like a Shadow

Look for me
in this crowded chaos.
Can you find me?

Listen to my songs
of solitude and fortitude.
Can you hear them?

Engage with me
in my ramblings and soliloquy.
Can you talk with me aimlesssly?

No.
You can’t find me.
You can’t hear me.
And you can’t talk with me.

For I remain inconspicuous,
a shadow blending in the dark
without a light of its own.

Pasay. 2016.03.04

Entry 092

Naaalala Ko

Naaalala ko

Kung paanong naguguhitan ang kahel na langit
ng mga ibong sama-samang lumilipad
nang nasa ayos na kanilang sinusunod
habang ang liwanag ay unti-unting nababawasan
at tumutunog ang sirenang hudyat sa pagtatapos ng araw

Naaalala ko

Kung paanong pinananabikan ang gabi
sapagkat magniningning ang mga bituin
at susundan ko ang mga linya ng mga konstelasyon
habang itinitingala ang kopya ng mapa ng kalangitan
at pinagtatawanan ng isang sundalong bantay

Naaalala ko

Kung paanong minamalas ang mga binhi ng dipterocarp
na marahang umiikot hanggang makarating sa lupa
saka titipunin ko sa isang supot hanggang mapunô
at ihahagis ang isang dakot upang maulit ang paglipad
ngunit mabilis na lamang ang kanilang paglapag

Naaalala ko pa ang maraming tagpo
ngunit pawang alaala na lámang lahat
Naaalala ko sapagkat hindi na maibabalik
ang payak at inosenteng búhay

2016.01.10 Pasay

Entry 071

If I would have to die tonight

If I would have to die tonight—

I am resigned to my peace

And could sleep without grief;

For at last I could leave

This wretched state,

This incorrigible world

That taught me to hate.

It is not as if I never learned

To love and be loved;

Only the gall was strong to bear

I had not mustered to defy.

I always lost my battles

And left those I cared for

(Or I thought I cared for):

For they made me taste

The bitter truth of rejection.

And so I vowed to survive,

To subsist on my own

Enwrapped in my innate warmth

Against the coldest loneliness.

I needed not someone’s touch

Nor words to abate the pains.

My barriers were strong,

Impregnable and unshakable.

I was complete on my own;

Others could not define me.

 

This person I had been,

The mask I often wore—

I shall leave to this world

If I would have to die tonight.

 

2015.02.11

Entry 067

Take flight no more

You have lost your flight
With those shabby wings
You are now alone
In this thick forest of resentment
And of regret
The river sounds of gushing pain
And the trees sway confusingly
Everything is in motion
But for you they are still
And you are empty

Take your flight once more
With those shabby wings
As your arrogance
Foments a storm within
Your heavy heart

Instead you begin to plunge
Back into this forest
As you are pulled to the earth
Stare at the gleaming sky
That sight you so often beheld
Is now obscured
By the rustling leaves and needles

Lay peacefully on the ground
And take flight no more

2014.12.31